Icecream

So What If It's Only Made Of 4 Ingredients?!

posted on: December 28, 2016. posted in: Nutrition

[warning: this is one of those slightly sweary rebelfit rants, so please take with a pinch of salt!]

Seriously, this boils my piss.

"Oooo! A clean brownie, made of only 4 ingredients! Which means you can eat 5 of them guilt free!!!"

What kind of nutrition is this? Which school of nutrition nobheads thought this up?

If a food is made of only 4 ingredients, suddenly it's super healthy and going to melt your saddle bags, no matter how much of it you scoff???

Who thought up this nonsense???!

Not a nutritionist.

I can tell you that.

And some of these disgusting creations.

These monstrosities.

They're an offence to flavour and nutrition.

As well as common f**king sense.

"The Clean Peanut Butter Brownie"

1 large sweet potato
1 vat of peanut butter
1 bucket of raw cocoa powder
1 gallon of stevia

I mean, does this sound healthy to you???

Does it sound like a food that's going to help you lean up???

And do you really think sweet potato has any place in a brownie?? It's like finding your nan in a strip club.

"What the f**k are you doing in here????!"

Seriously...

Just eat a proper f**king brownie and get over it!!!

It's probably less calories, and better for your long term fat loss, because it's a proper f**king brownie.

And everyone knows...

Proper f**king brownies MAKE YOU FAT.

So you don't eat 5 of them.

One is enough.

Because it's proper.

Because it's real.

And because it's f**king fattening.

One. 

"That'll do Bob!! That'll do!! I won't fit in me waistcoat!!"

But a clean brownie?

Oh well, it's CLEAN.

And because it's "clean" you can eat 15 f**king billion of them and not put on a single pound!!

A little education for you clean eating muppets.

Ice cream is probably one of the most fattening foods on the planet.... scratch that... it is the most fattening food on the planet.

Guess what it's made of?

TWO F**KING INGREDIENTS.

Cream and Sugar.

Frozen.

That's it.

That's how you make f**king ice cream.

Is it "clean" because it's only 2 ingredients??? 

"Oh no Liam, it's not clean because it contains sugar!"

Oh right.

I see.

So how about....

Cream + Stevia. Frozen.

Is that clean enough for you now???

How about...

Cream + Stevia + Peanut Butter + Raw Dates

A 4 ingredient "clean ice cream".

"Wow!!! Is it really clean?!! Great!!!"

Oh yes, it's clean.

You knock yourself out eating it!

(...and everyone else as you grow into a f**king hippo, or a rhinoceros... an ice cream guzzling, clean eating rhinoceros who f**king stampedes anyone who tries to teach you an ounce of f**king common sense!!!)

"Out of my way!!! It's clean!! Chaaarrrrge!!!!!"

Jenny bulldozes her PT, 3 nutritionists, her mum and all her colleagues at work, all while they're screaming...

"Stop eating f**king brownies Jenny, have a f**king salad!!!"

____________

Once upon a time I taught people...

"Hey! Don't obsess about calories. Focus on eating natural, good quality, minimally processed food, and the calories will sort themselves out!"

But when I said... "don't obsess about calories"... I didn't mean...

"Calories schmalories!! Have as many as you like!!"

Calories still f**king count people.

Even if they are "clean".

Which is a nonsense term...

Hijacked by nonsense people...

Who know f**k all about nutrition.

Stuff your clean f**king brownies, up your brownie.

Do this nation a favour...

And stop encouraging obese people to snack on brownies and cakes.

Ever heard of FRUIT???!


Liam

[This post is not aimed at any individual following a clean eating plan. Instead it is designed to highlight the dangers of clean eating plans and who they ignore basic nutrition principles. If you'd like to learn more about how we can help, please feel free to email us for a non-judgemental conversation about your nutrition.]

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